Chris Heaton-Harris MP @chhcalling@respublicae.eu

Genuinely hope everyone who sees this has had a lovely Christmas Day!

(Whether you enjoyed the bad jokes or not.)

No jokes tomorrow - I’m weening myself off them - going cold turkey you could say!

Have a fab Boxing Day!

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607160511543578627

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607156862494953472

A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s with a sore knee.
“A sore knee?” the Doctor said. “Have you tried icing it?”

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607141764237778944

What do you call one of Santa’s helpers who won the lottery?
Welfy.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607126665066414080

What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607111564041003011

Someone has been stealing Christmas jumpers in order of size. Police say he's still at large.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607096464618012672

Took my Christmas jumper back to the shop this year as it kept picking up static electricity. I exchanged it for another one, free of charge.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607081239487418370

What is PG Tips’ favourite Christmas carol?
Oh Christmas tea, Oh Christmas tea…

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607066265469739016

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607051041626853376

How do snowmen travel around?
By icicle.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607036068737474562

RT @JamesCleverly: The first year in my lifetime without a speech from Her Majesty at Christmas.

A moving tribute by King Charles III.

God save the King.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607032617446133776

Why did Santa ban fizzy drinks from his workshop?
They are bad for his elf.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607020970073640961

What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? 
Rude-olph.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1607005744498352130

How much did Santa's sleigh cost?
Nothing - it was on the house!

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1606990644131553286

How do you feel when you can't get to your Advent calendar chocolate?

Foiled!

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1606975668541071361

What do you call a search engine that sings Christmas songs?
Michael Googlé.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1606960443167219713

How does Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got him for Christmas?

He felt his presence.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1606945472123478017

Santa hates getting stuck in chimneys.
He gets a bit claus-trophobic.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1606930372293496833

Why is it getting harder each year to buy Advent calendars?
Their days are numbered.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1606915144768000000

How many letters are there in the Christmas alphabet?
25.
No L.

🐦🔗: https://n.respublicae.eu/chhcalling/status/1606900045130993665